Disillusionment
Disillusionment
I never knew people could be so cruel.
I never thought I could hurt so much.
I never realized there could be an absence of good.
I never believed in the presence of evil.
I never knew life could tear me down.
I never thought my own choices would be my end.
I never realized how much one action could affect another.
I never believed it would happen to me.
I always knew you were unkind.
I always thought you'd end up hurting me.
I always realized you were up to no good.
I always believed you when you lied.
I always knew people were generally loving.
I always thought I felt peace.
I always realized there was good in us all.
I never believed I could have been so wrong.
Screams in Hell
Screams in Hell
Just when everything was making sense...it was like a bomb went off in my head. The screaming started, shattering the air like broken glass, cracking through the night, the shards of it raining down, slicing my skin open. Jagged tears cut through my thick exterior, exposing me. Anger cracked the streets. Harsh words, like daggers, were shot in my direction. I ducked to avoid them, catching some and throwing them back blindly. The complications were everywhere, threatening to take over like some sick monarch. I looked around, frantic in my panicked state, searching for some consolation. But all I could find was more hopelessness among the frozen terror bearing down on me.
Fear suffocated me, mingling with the icy screams and creating a fog around my feet. It glued me to the spot. Would I ever get out of this? Was there anyone left to save me, or was rescue an impossibility? Didn't you say you loved me?
The same old sadness rose up in my throat, choking me. I coughed out the blackness, only to be filled again. There was no end to the eternal fear and sorrow. I wore it well. Broken and bleeding, I tried to rise, too weak to care, too despondant to continue avoiding the splinters of shrieks or the knives aimed at my heart. I fell back to into the abyss of hatred, the only thing holding me together. It fed me just enough to stand, but not enough to walk toward more hallowed ground.
My lungs burned, my throat was scorched. I could smell sulfur as I tore at my hair and broke my teeth. I put myself here. It wasn't you, after all. You can't save me, but you didn't commit me, either. Perhaps that was the worst realization of all, not that I was locked in this prison, but that I had built it myself.
I tried so hard not to care, to remain at a distance, and for what? It was just another nail in the coffin, killing me day by day, a single moment at a time. Forcing me away from humanity. Happiness was a word I'd heard once in a dream, but I'd never experience it. There was only the terror now becoming more and more confining. I was lost. When I'd started, I at least knew from where I'd come. Now it was a distant memory, along with my identity. Who was the girl I'd been? Was I happy? Did I ever feel loved? What would it have been like, to feel your arms around me, absent of the anger and resentment, free from the screaming?
sarahgoodner
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